it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Randomize
