i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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