our cab driver is having phone sex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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