i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
