i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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