It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
