i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
