final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
