The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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