I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
