I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
