You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
