Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
