Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My feet surprised me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
