I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
