i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
