True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
