I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
