What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
