Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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