I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
