Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
