you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
