I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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