Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
