Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
