i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
