you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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