How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
