Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
