I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
