i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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