If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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