this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
