im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
