i think i have two assholes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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