Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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