Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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