i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
