I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is Oprah even human
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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