he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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