I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
