if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
