what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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