I think I won the penis lottery.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
