you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
