My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
