ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
