whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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