i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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